I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
