Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
