lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
im on a boat
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