Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Someone signed my nipple.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
