in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
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i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
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Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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