You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize