Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
