i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
