hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
