You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize