I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
