How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
