New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
