the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
