Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
