Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
