I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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