its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
