I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
