You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
