i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize