How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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