How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
