She said her name was "party"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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