The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
