maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
