I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
