I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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