ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
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i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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