nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
