I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
is wine microwaveable?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
