i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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