I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
