you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.