Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs

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  (908): im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs http://tfl.nu/kfrc
  Replies (19) Good night (1101) Bad night (2271)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's a beautiful day for a hangover

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  (215): It's a beautiful day for a hangover http://tfl.nu/x1e7
  Replies (32) Good night (4459) Bad night (731)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink

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  (210): I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink http://tfl.nu/9ici
  Replies (9) Good night (8108) Bad night (1268)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home

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  (574): 2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home http://tfl.nu/gyyq
  Replies (13) Good night (5335) Bad night (1119)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.

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  (740): I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago. http://tfl.nu/bvjh
  Replies (5) Good night (3313) Bad night (1004)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.

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  (802): Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties. http://tfl.nu/nqyr
  Replies (9) Good night (2861) Bad night (589)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...

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  (325): She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe... http://tfl.nu/oipp
  Replies (13) Good night (1131) Bad night (665)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?

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  (301): When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off? http://tfl.nu/hj8l
  Replies (4) Good night (944) Bad night (543)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love

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  (720): Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love http://tfl.nu/8heh
  Replies (3) Good night (606) Bad night (845)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.

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  (206): Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience. http://tfl.nu/kvcy
  Replies (5) Good night (1024) Bad night (493)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will

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  (302): I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will http://tfl.nu/3pox
  Replies (4) Good night (924) Bad night (779)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.

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  (618): So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers. http://tfl.nu/djxo
  Replies (3) Good night (451) Bad night (721)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.

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  (330): I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend. http://tfl.nu/a48i
  Replies (1) Good night (626) Bad night (259)
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  (516): View more from New York

  and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me

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  (516): and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me http://tfl.nu/kvyu
  Replies (0) Good night (399) Bad night (205)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...

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  (603): Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume... http://tfl.nu/4fod
  Replies (3) Good night (394) Bad night (345)

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