Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(239): View more from Florida

so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...

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(239): so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM... http://tfl.nu/hm43

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(847): View more from Illinois

So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be

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(847): So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be http://tfl.nu/8bju

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.

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(412): woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered. http://tfl.nu/z2cy

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(513): View more from Ohio

I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash

(1-513): View more from Ohio

GO. BACK. NOW.

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(513): I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash (1-513): GO. BACK. NOW. http://tfl.nu/zc24

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(803): View more from South Carolina

The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....

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(803): The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german.... http://tfl.nu/l2d8

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(940): View more from Texas

Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.

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(940): Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next. http://tfl.nu/2m7k

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(847): View more from Illinois

i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.

(1-847): View more from Illinois

that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.

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(847): i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house. (1-847): that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect. http://tfl.nu/7r4g

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.

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(610): Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital. http://tfl.nu/94uz

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.

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(502): Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt. http://tfl.nu/f1ui

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(770): View more from Georgia

She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.

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(770): She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40. http://tfl.nu/qfdq

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(865): View more from Tennessee

I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.

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(865): I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck. http://tfl.nu/zkmt

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(650): View more from California

Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens

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(650): Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens http://tfl.nu/mv4i

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(615): View more from Tennessee

We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.

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(615): We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND. http://tfl.nu/votz

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(410): View more from Maryland

She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!

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(410): She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success! http://tfl.nu/k1zi

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.

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(484): theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on. http://tfl.nu/1jft

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