I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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