did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.