Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed