maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
