So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
