I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
