So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
