I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
