Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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