Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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