i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
