Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
