so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
