New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
foreskin is a definite game changer
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
