Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(952): View more from Minnesota

I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.

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(714): View more from California

we're chasing vodka with high fives

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(613): View more from Ontario

Sorry, I don't speak sober.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done

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(404): View more from Georgia

You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together

(770): View more from Georgia

The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy

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(586): View more from Michigan

I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children

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