mondays should just be called national damage control day
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
