Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
