why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Still dying that you shit outside
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
