I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
