I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
