Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
