Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
