I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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