Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
