Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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