Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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