I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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