Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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