im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
