Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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