tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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