I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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