if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
